« Frigidity » - Sexual Desire Out of Order?

Some words leave marks. “Frigidity” is one of them.

This term is still often used to describe a decrease or absence of sexual desire in women. It is old, imprecise, and judgmental, wrongly suggesting a “deficiency” or something “broken.” In reality, female sexuality is neither linear nor standardizable.

Sexuality is an intimate, complex, and evolving experience. It changes over a lifetime depending on:

• Hormonal phases

• Emotional context

• Health

• Quality of the couple’s relationship

• Personal history

👉 There is no universal standard for desire or frequency of sexual activity.

What matters is mutual satisfaction. A couple can be happy with frequent sexual activity or with less frequent intimacy, as long as both partners feel fulfilled.

Consultation is warranted when:

• Desire changes without explanation

• Desire disappears over a long period

• Desire becomes a source of personal suffering, guilt, or relationship tension

In these situations, calling it “frigidity” is not helpful. It is essential to identify the real causes, which are often multiple and interconnected, in order to offer personalized, respectful, and effective care.

👉 Desire cannot be forced.👉 It can be understood, explored, and, when needed, treated.

Hormonal Causes

Hormones — estrogen, progesterone, and androgens — play a central role in desire, lubrication, and sensitivity. Hormonal imbalances can significantly affect sexuality.

Common causes:

• Postpartum period and breastfeeding

• Hormonal contraception

• Thyroid disorders

• Perimenopause or menopause

• Other hormonal imbalances

Possible signs:

• Reduced desire

• Vaginal dryness

• Fatigue, irritability

• Reduced sexual sensation

Approach:A targeted hormonal evaluation can detect abnormalities. Treatment may involve adjusting contraception or prescribing local or systemic hormone therapy. Care is always personalized to support women during these phases.

Gynecological or Physical Causes

Certain conditions make sexual activity uncomfortable or painful, leading to a gradual decline in desire.

Common causes:

• Recurrent vaginal infections

• Vaginal dryness

• Endometriosis

• Fibroids

• Pelvic pain

• Postpartum scarring

Manifestations:

• Pain during or after intercourse

• Anxiety about sexual activity

• Gradual avoidance of intimacy

Approach:A thorough gynecological exam identifies the cause. Treatments may include specific medical therapies, pelvic rehabilitation, or local solutions such as lubricants to restore comfort and pleasure.

Psychological Causes

Sexual desire is closely linked to the brain and emotions. Stress, anxiety, fatigue, or past trauma can reduce desire even without physical pain.

Common causes:

• Chronic stress

• Extreme fatigue

• Anxiety or depression

• Past sexual trauma

• Negative body image

Manifestations:

• Lack of desire despite absence of pain

• Difficulty with arousal

• Guilt or shame

Approach:Psychological or sexological support, self-esteem work, and stress reduction can gradually restore desire and pleasure.

Relationship Causes

Sexuality is experienced within the couple. The quality of the relationship directly influences desire.

Common causes:

• Unresolved conflicts

• Poor communication

• Sexual pressure

• Feeling misunderstood or disrespected

Manifestations:

• Desire for sex elsewhere but absent in the relationship

• Intercourse experienced as an obligation

• Frustration for both partners

Approach:Open, supportive communication is essential. Couples therapy can help, along with redefining expectations and respecting each partner’s rhythm.

Medications and Lifestyle

Certain medications or lifestyle habits can affect desire:

Common causes:

• Certain antidepressants

• Chronic fatigue

• Overwork at home or work

• Lack of sleep

Possible solutions:

• Re-evaluate medications

• Improve lifestyle habits

• Take time for rest and self-care

Key Message

• Sexuality is not a performance.

• There is no required frequency of sex.

• Couples can be happy with different sexual needs as long as balance is maintained.

The problem is not the absence or frequency of sex, but suffering, misunderstanding, or mismatch within the couple.

Conclusion

Any sexual difficulty deserves listening, respect, and personalized assessment. A medical consultation can identify the real causes and offer tailored care without judgment.

Take care of yourself!

Kind regards,

Dr. Sandra Yene Amougui