Girl or Boy: Is It Normal to Feel Disappointed About Your Baby's Sex?

For some expectant parents, learning their baby's sex is simply a fun milestone during pregnancy. For others, it is a deeply emotional moment—one they have looked forward to since the very beginning.

But why can a baby's sex become such an important issue?

Sometimes the Preference Reflects a Personal Story

Wanting a girl or a boy is not always about the child's sex itself. It may be connected to personal experiences, childhood memories, relationships with one's own parents, or the desire to experience a particular kind of parenthood.

Some women dream of having a daughter because they imagine a special mother–daughter relationship. Some men hope for a son because they look forward to sharing activities, passing on traditions, or creating memories together. Others simply wish to balance their family after having several children of the same sex.

These wishes are deeply human. They do not automatically mean that parents will love their child any less if the baby's sex is different from what they had hoped for.

Sometimes the Wish Comes from Someone Else

A parent may also hope for a particular sex in order to please their partner, meet family expectations, or conform to cultural traditions.

In these situations, it can be helpful to ask yourself:

"Is this truly my own wish, or am I carrying someone else's expectations?"

When Disappointment Becomes Difficult to Cope With

Feeling a brief sense of disappointment after learning the baby's sex can happen. For most parents, these feelings are temporary and gradually fade as they begin to imagine and connect with their real child.

However, intense distress, persistent rejection of the pregnancy, or difficulty bonding with the baby deserve careful attention. In rare cases, these feelings may reflect deeper emotional wounds that could benefit from professional support.

When Can You Find Out Your Baby's Sex?

The baby's chromosomal sex is determined at conception. However, identifying the sex on ultrasound depends on the development of the external genitalia, the baby's position, and the quality of the examination.

During the first-trimester ultrasound, it is sometimes possible to make an early prediction, but this is not always reliable. Confirmation is generally much more accurate during the second-trimester anatomy scan.

Even then, mistakes can occasionally occur because of the baby's position, technical limitations, or the inherent challenges of image interpretation.

Why Do Some Families Prefer to Wait?

Some parents choose not to learn their baby's sex before birth. They prefer to meet their child without forming too many expectations based on whether the baby is a girl or a boy.

There is no right or wrong way to approach this decision. The important thing is that knowing—or not knowing—the baby's sex should support parents rather than become a source of pressure.

Beyond Girl or Boy: Welcoming a Unique Child

Behind every announcement of a baby's sex lies something far more important: the arrival of a unique human being, with their own personality, talents, and life story.

Perhaps the greatest challenge of parenthood is not having a daughter or a son, but learning to welcome the real child—who may be different from every image you imagined during pregnancy.

At What Stage of Pregnancy Can the Baby's Sex Be Determined?

This is probably one of the most frequently asked questions during pregnancy.

Although the baby's chromosomal sex is established at fertilization, the external genitalia must develop sufficiently before they can be identified on ultrasound.

• Before 12 weeks of gestation, reliable sex determination is generally not possible.

• Between 12 and 14 weeks, an experienced examiner may be able to estimate the sex by assessing the angle of the genital tubercle (the so-called nub theory). However, this remains an estimate and should never be considered definitive.

• From around 16 weeks, visualization often becomes easier, provided the baby's position is favorable.

• During the detailed anatomy scan at 20–22 weeks, fetal sex can usually be identified with excellent accuracy when examination conditions are optimal.

  
  

How Accurate Is Ultrasound?

When the genitalia are clearly visualized during a high-quality second-trimester ultrasound, the accuracy of fetal sex determination generally exceeds 99%.

Nevertheless, no ultrasound examination is infallible. Accuracy depends on several factors, including:

• The baby's position.

• The amount of amniotic fluid.

• The quality of the ultrasound equipment.

• The experience of the healthcare professional performing the examination.

  
  

Can the Baby's Sex Be Different at Birth?

Yes—but this is exceptional.

When the baby's sex is determined during a high-quality second-trimester ultrasound, fewer than 1% of predictions differ from the baby's sex at birth. In experienced centers, the rate is often well below 0.5%.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, these discrepancies are simply due to limited visualization—for example, when the baby has crossed legs or the genital area is temporarily obscured—rather than to an underlying difference in sex development.

Take care of yourself.

Kind regards,

Dr. Sandra Yene Amougui